I just cant get down to studying. And this is like the second post for today =_=
But after this i shall force myself to finish up my lab report which was supposed to hand up last last last week? & then study for PC tech.

Sometimes i just dont know why people could say things that are so hurtful. I wonder if they ever use their brain before speaking up. Saying something stupid, retard, redundant is fine with me. But not something hurtful please.
Is not the freaking first time, but damn many thousand times already. Yea and no one have ever said things that had caused such great impact on me.
The feeling inside me was filled with anger & disappointment, maybe she thinks we're close, and that she could say anything she wants. But i just feel i wasnt respected, though she's my elderly but so? No one taught her how to respect others first before getting respected back?
Sometimes i wanted to talk back, but just cant seem to do that, i just feel there's no point coz they never listen. I have tried & i know second time wouldnt help too.
Or maybe im just too nice.

Many times in the past i was hurt badly, no family & friends were consistently there for me. No one. Whereas those that check me out once in a while are those friends that i didnt expected. That clearly explained why for the past couple of years, i only stick to my boyfriend, boyfriend and boyfriend, coz they are the ones who really do cares during that period of "attached" time.
Ya and many times i was hurt, i kept it all to myself, didnt say a word, why is it that when its my turn to hurt others, i received scoldings and all kinds of nasty remarks? I know i shouldnt use the word "my turn" but i just cant think of better terms.
Surrounding people, u guys are only seeing the outer picture, my mind and heart are hidden, i dont expect to say it all out as you request.
As i always said, i may seem happy on the outside but at the same time i am also feeling terrible and bad. I can cry the whole day but nobody knows.
Probably one day my heart cant take it anymore and just dies off.

Till that day, maybe thats what i call..






peace.